


Per Sempre Tua

by awayfromsight



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Electric Couple Prompt, F/M, red dragon arc, season 3b
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 01:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12545816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awayfromsight/pseuds/awayfromsight
Summary: Thinking back to it, the day her phone rang could not have been more ordinary.





	Per Sempre Tua

**Author's Note:**

> For the Electric Couple Prompt "Red Dragon Arc".

Thinking back to it, the day her phone rang could not have been more ordinary. 

Bedelia had spent all morning meeting with her publisher in her home office, working out a deal for the book tour of her tell-all novel about her life with the Chesapeake Ripper and was preparing a guest lecture for the John Hopkins University the following week when the buzzing noise in the pocket of her blazer interrupted her. 

“You are receiving a call from the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. Should you wish to accept this call, please stay on the line.“

Everything in the rational part of her brain told her to hang up and block all future calls, to not let him near her ever again. But she couldn’t.  
The second she heard the announcement she knew that she couldn’t. Because hanging up meant that she wouldn’t get to speak to him again.

The line opened at the other end and every nerve in her body was set ablaze at the sound of his voice.

“Bedelia?“ Hannibal sounded as nervous as she felt, but other than that his voice hadn’t changed. Hearing the familiar baritone say her name made her realize that she had missed him, missed them. They had not been in any form of contact for over a year and a half now. 

The sharp intake of breath at her end seemed to be enough indication that she was listening, so he continued.

“I have been granted visitation rights, due to some sort of profitable deal with John Hopkins that Frederick made. He undoubtedly wants me to be studied by incompetent college students like a caged animal…“

She was finally able to break out of her reverie, remembering that she was supposed to be terrified of him. 

“Why did you call, Hannibal? Why would I ever want to talk to you again? After you drugged, manipulated…“

“They can’t hear you, Bedelia. Please don’t feel the need to vocalize your hatred of me on my account. Save that performance for your fans.“

His former psychiatrist exhaled, slowly. He suspected that she was going to change tactics, now that she would not have to play the poor, abused victim anymore. He hoped however, that would simply drop the act and be herself. The self he had admired and cherished for so many years. The self he had fallen for.

“I still see no reason for a call. I know everything there is to know about you, Hannibal. I’ve been behind your veil. My professional interest in you is no longer prevailing.“ 

She tried to sound cold and detached, as if her heart hadn’t been racing ever since he had said her name. As if she hadn’t secretly thought about seeing him again whenever she lay in her bed at night, unable to fall asleep by herself. 

There was a chuckle at his end of the line.  
“And what became of your personal interest, cuore mio?“

The lump in her throat grew even bigger than before, however hard Bedelia tried to remain collected. He had always called her that in Florence, when they were still living their fairytale. Spending whole days in bed together, tangled between the sheets, blurring the lines of their previous life beyond recognition.  
“Cuore mio, vita mia“, he had said. “My heart, my entire life.“ 

“I don’t dwell on what is long gone, Hannibal. I’ve moved on.“

A lie. However unconvincing, she had to lie. Giving up her upper hand with him had burned her once before and she would not make the same mistake twice. 

“Good. Then you won’t mind that your guest lecture to their psychology department has been moved here. Frederick thought it would be… educational for their lecture on psychological trauma and I agreed under the condition that it would be your class. I’ve been wanting to hear it for a while now.“ 

How dare he be so nonchalant about this. From the tone of his voice one would think he was talking about the weather, or a mediocre meal he’d had. Instead he had shattered every bit of her carefully constructed guard in three simple sentences. Bedelia could feel her breathing grow quicker and more shallow, desperately hoping he couldn’t detect it through the phone. 

The line had gone quiet for quite a while before she could muster up the composure to speak, praying to whatever god would listen that her voice remained steady. 

“You don’t get to make decisions like that, not anymore.“

And she hung up. If their last goodbye had been short and rushed, this simply hadn’t been one at all.  
Raising her hands to her face, Bedelia sunk lower into her chair, trying to calm her breathing and the beating of her heart. She felt like she had just run a marathon. Holding a lecture while he was standing in the room, standing next to her wasn’t an option. Shaking her head, she reached for the papers on her desk, trying to finish the preparations for her lecture. It simply wasn’t an option. 

Yet this conclusion didn’t seem to have reached the rest of the world, since over the next couple of days, several calls and e-mails interrupted her daily routine.  
Frederick Chilton, offering her larger and larger sums of money, the Dean of John Hopkins, threatening to cancel her lecture entirely, students who had signed up to listen to her story, pleading to not deny them this incredible experience. She turned them all down. 

Nothing and no one could change her mind.  
She had forgotten, however that Hannibal Lecter was not simply no one.

Five days after the phone had finally stopped ringing and the inbox of her account wasn’t overflowing with strongly worded e-mails anymore, a letter found its way to her doorstep. Upon seeing the BSHCI stamp and familiar handwriting, addressing the envelope to her, her first instinct was to simply burn it. Turn his words to ashes, maybe move to a place where another letter wouldn’t find her. But her hands were acting on their own accord. Still standing in the hallway, she almost ripped at the seam of the crisp white paper (it must have been hand delivered by someone) and her eyes were pouring over the words in his flawless handwriting, before she could do anything about it.

>   
>  Bedelia, 
> 
> You ended our conversation before I could explain myself. I requested for your lecture to be moved here, because I know how much you would have loved an opportunity like this when we were students. I can picture how your eyes would have lit up at the chance to observe something like this, feel how you would have gripped my hand in excitement. And I know how much these students would admire you and your incomparable strength.  
>  Maybe almost as much as me.  
>  A lecture in this format has never been done before, and we both can’t deny that the prestige it would bring is intriguing.  
>  Don’t deny these young minds and yourself by extension a valuable opportunity out of contempt for me.  
>  I have to admit that I am also asking you to reconsider for utterly selfish reasons.  
>  I have not seen you outside of my mind palace, in almost two years and I cannot help but miss you.  
>  I hope you change your mind. 
> 
> Per sempre tua e solo tua,
> 
> Hannibal.  
> 

Bedelia read the letter over and over again, memorizing every word and gripping it so tightly, the edges were crumpled beyond repair when she finally lowered it. Only then did she notice the feeling of hot tears on her cheeks, streaming down to her chin and staining the paper.

Moving further into her home, which, tastefully decorated and pristine as it was, felt emptier than ever. She walked aimlessly through every room, the letter still in her hand as if it was glued to her. As if the mere presence of his words upon it forbade her to release it.  
Her feet had carried her into her office and in front of her laptop, her body telling her mind in no uncertain terms that a choice had to be made. 

Bedelia took a deep breath, hoping the added oxygen in her blood would clear her mind enough to make her realize that what she about to do was idiotic.  
Opening her laptop, she typed in two recipients: Frederick Chilton, and the University’s Dean, telling them that she had reconsidered and would agree to lecture the students together with Hannibal. As she pressed Send, she tried not to imagine Chilton’s smug face as he undoubtedly knew about Hannibal’s letter to her, he had probably read it, too. 

The next two days were spent typing and deleting a second e-mail, cancelling the class after all. But she never finished it. The next two nights were spent dreaming of him, twirling her around Florentine dance floors and kissing her under the moon on the balcony of their apartment. But she never dared to linger on it.

When her calendar reminded her that it was time to leave on the day of her lecture, she triple checked her papers and her appearance, wondering how much her choice in attire would come back to bite her. She had chosen a crimson red dress for the occasion, one of his favorites on her. Or rather, one of his favorites to peel off of her. 

Parking in front of the hospital, Bedelia could already see the crowd of students waiting in front of the building, listening to Dr. Chilton. 

“And there is our star of the day! Hello, Dr. Du Maurier.“  
He extended his hand towards her to shake, maybe press a wet kiss to the back of hers. She didn’t take it.  
“Frederick, please let’s not make this more uncomfortable than it already is,“ she said, barely looking at him. Behind her, a few students laughed, whispering their approval. 

They were lead through the large main doors, along several corridors and staircases, walking deeper and deeper into the maze of the criminally insane. 

“He must be as batshit as they say, if they keep him this locked up,“ a boy whispered to his friends. If only they knew. 

Before they were allowed through the heavy metal doors, a security guard positioned outside of Hannibal’s new permanent residence instructed them to not go near the glass separating “the inmate“ from them, to not hand him anything or provoke him in any way. Bedelia thought it utterly ridiculous, describing Hannibal as though he was an untamed animal. Or as though he wouldn’t find a way to kill every single one of them should he wish to, glass or not. 

She let the students and Frederick file in before her, needing a moment to breathe. Pulling herself together as much as she could, squaring her shoulders and putting on her best facade, she stepped over the threshold. 

Hannibal stood behind a large glass wall, perfect posture and unreadable complexion in place, as if nothing had changed since he had last sat in her living room. He had been given one of his old suits for the occasion, the three piece, light grey ensemble fitting him flawlessly, just like the proverbial person suit she had spent months and years taking apart.  
His dark brown eyes scanned the crowd of twenty somethings, searching either for anything to catch his interest or… her. 

The second their glances met was palpable, the entire room suddenly filled with electricity. Every pair of eyes was trained on them but neither Bedelia nor Hannibal noticed. Memories of their life together, of another life entirely, so it seemed, flooded the space between them. Both of them could almost feel the touch of the other, taste their lips after a few glasses of wine shared in their kitchen.  
The steely expression on Bedelia’s face softened minutely and a smile tugged on the corner of his lips. She tried not to let her eyes linger there. 

“Dr. Du Maurier. It’s been too long.“  
The softness of his voice as he said her name made her shiver a little. The sound of him through the phone was little compared to the real thing. 

Taking another deep breath, drawing up her walls as high as she could, she broke the moment, “Speak for yourself,“ and, now addressing the students who were still spellbound by the connection captor and victim seemed to have, she said “If you would all take a seat.“

Chairs, which had been placed along the walls, scraped the floor and people shuffled around, trying to find seats as quickly as possible. Some where still left standing, the turnout having been much larger than anyone expected.  
A podium had been put up in front of the glass, facing the audience. 

She would have to turn her back on him. 

Walking up to it and putting her papers down, heels clicking on the floor of the now silent room, Bedelia took one last look at the man that had been on her mind ever since they had shared their last kiss in Florence. It had been too short, she thought and then turned to look at the young adults before her. 

“I usually do not share my lectures with Dr. Lecter. But should he feel the… need to add something, he is invited to do so.“  
Calling him by his last name left an unpleasant taste on her tongue and she wondered if it had been the same for him. 

“Thank you, though I’m sure your story will be nothing short of flawless, Doctor.“

She could sense his presence behind her, almost expecting him to wrap his arms around her waist and rest his head on her shoulder, like he had done countless times before. If she tried, she could feel his lips moving against her neck, his breath dancing on her skin as he whispered how much he adored her, how all of Italy paled in comparison to her. But she didn’t try. 

She maneuvered through her lecture, recounting the gruesome details of what Hannibal had supposedly done to her, answering questions and referring to Dante, a fact that made him chuckle, raising several eyebrows across the room. They didn’t explain. 

His eyes were on her the entire time, taking her in, updating his memory palace. He had devoted entire rooms to her, to the way her eyes changed color when the sun was just right, or when he had told her he loved her for the first time, to the way her hair felt when she rested her head on his chest every night and to the sound of her laugh, a sound so rare and rich he could have written innumerable poems about it. He had noticed the dress immediately, recognizing it as the one she had been wearing the first time they kissed in her kitchen, tasting of Rosé and not so secret desire. It had been his favorite ever since.

As she concluded the tales of her living nightmare, a student raised his hand. It was the boy from the hallway.  
“Doctor Lecter… I wanted to ask why you chose Dr. Du Maurier. You could’ve travelled with anyone, or even alone. That would have been easier. Why did you go through all that trouble?“

Hannibal inwardly congratulated the young man on his bravery and took a moment, pretending to contemplate. 

“Because she was the most intriguing person I’ve ever met. She still is. The prospect of knowing as much about her as she knew about me, having been my therapist and …colleague for many years was just irresistible.“ 

He looked towards her, with a familiarity and adoration in his smile she had pictured many times since she had seen it last. Bedelia couldn’t tear her eyes from him.

“Yes, Dr. Lecter has always been terrible at controlling his impulses. Hence the glass,“ she said, the slightest teasing tone lacing her words.  
A few students sniggered, before they remembered who they were laughing about.  
The magnetic pull between the two doctors had been apparent even to the slowest amongst them at this point. Neither of them had moved further than two feet away from the other, sometimes only separated by solid glass and air. 

The boy raised his hand again.  
“Why are you so comfortable around each other? You almost look… cozy. I’d be terrified to see the monster again who did that to me, Dr. Du Maurier.“

Hannibal stepped forward, opening his mouth to reply but Bedelia was quicker.

“He can’t harm me anymore. I’ve escaped him entirely and while one of his most apparent traits is his obsessive nature, Hannibal knows when the dance is over.“

“And you were always my favorite partner, Bedelia.“ 

Another look passed between them, screaming of longing and fond memories that no one but them read properly.  
All the students and Chilton saw was challenging remarks of someone who had been dragged to the deepest pits of hell and come out on top. 

The room applauded their speaker, coming towards the front to express their gratitude and admiration for her bravery. She routinely thanked them, shook hands and smiled, all the while aware of him standing behind her.  
The students left the room, chattering idly about the fascinating story of “Hannibal the Cannibal“ and his last victim Bedelia Du Maurier. As the last person had left the room and only the two of them and Chilton remained, Bedelia turned towards the latter. 

“I would like a moment alone with him, please.“

He seemed surprised, “I don’t think that is…“

“I do not care what you think. It wasn’t a question,“ she interrupted harshly. 

Raising his hands in defeat, he turned to make his exit but was stopped by her voice, ringing off the walls again. 

“And by alone, I mean alone. If I so much as suspect that you’ve listened to this conversation I will have you removed from that big, overcompensating office of yours.“

There was no doubt that he believed her threats, merely able to nod and quickly depart, having the guard close the door behind him. 

She waited until the door had fully closed and locked behind him, before turning her attention back to Hannibal. He looked utterly amused at her chastising of Frederick. 

He spoke first.  
“You’ve escaped me entirely? Is that so, Bedelia?“ 

“Don’t. You’re here by your own doing. Why did you have to bring me back to this? To you?“

The amusement on his face vanished, he seemed taken aback by her sudden change in demeanor. Observing her tense stance and face once more, he took a moment to answer. 

“I’m not denying that my current situation is the result of my own foolishness…“

“You’ve never been a fool, Hannibal. You weren’t captured by mistake. You lured them to you. You wanted to play with the fire again and got to close. You burned yourself out of sheer boredom. Why?“

“Was I not enough anymore?“ was the question silently floating between her words, like a drop of blood slowly mingling in water. 

He stepped closer to the glass, wanting nothing more than to touch her again. To mend the wounds he had inflicted without noticing, too caught up in his game of cat and mouse with Will Graham, Jack Crawford and their army of federal delinquents. 

“I got lost in the experiment. I wanted to see it through and to test the boundaries of the game I had created and I went too far. I’m sorry that you got caught between it all. This lecture was my way of holding up my end of our deal. I want you to make the most out of whatever plan you have. I told you that I would support you in whatever way you choose and I’m staying true to my word.“

She clenched her hands together, nails digging into her palms painfully.  
“I warned you countless times. I told you that your pride would be your downfall, but you were too busy setting a trap for Will Graham to listen.“ 

“It had to end like this, Bedelia.“ 

Anger was rising up within her, like lava in an old volcano, threatening to erupt.  
“Don’t blame fate for this, or anything else but your own arrogance. You simply thought you were untouchable.“ 

“You touched me plenty, if I remember correctly. Both in the metaphorical and literal sense. No one came closer to me than you did, Bedelia.“ He looked solemn, almost regretful.

Tears welled up in her eyes but she did not permit herself to let them fall. Not here.  
“Not close enough.“ 

Hannibal sought her eyes, a sad smile on his lips.  
“I’ve learnt from my mistakes. Being in here has left me with a sort of…clarity I lacked in Florence and I regret my actions more than I can say.“

Bedelia turned to leave, having heard enough. It had been a mistake coming here, all of the precious frozen walls around her shattered to pieces.  
“Regret can not take down that glass.“

“Never say never, cara mia. “ 

She had reached the door, knocked and shifted her gaze back, giving him one last look. The man who resided so deep within her heart and soul, she doubted any amount of distance could ever cleanse her of him. She also doubted whether she wanted it to. 

The guard outside unlocked the door cautiously. When she stepped forward unscathed, he opened it wide enough to let her through. Leaving the room felt like walking through an icy waterfall and she almost wanted to run back to the comfort of his presence, the glass be damned. She’d smash it with her bare hands if she had to.  
But she didn’t. She almost ran back through the many doors and hallways, entered her car and sat behind the wheel, making no move to start the car.  
There, in the confines of the vehicle, did she finally let her tears flow freely.  
Not bothering to wipe them away, she stayed there for what felt like hours, the sun setting slowly around her.  
When she finally started the engine and drove away from the hospital, she spared no glance into the rearview mirror, fearing she might finally break beyond repair.

The days and nights that followed where by far the worst she’d had in a long time.  
His voice, the look in his eyes when he saw her again, were all she was able to think about, try as she might to suppress any idea of him. He invaded every corner of her life after she had successfully banished him to her dreams and loneliest moments awake.

A little over a week after their “verbal conjugal visit“ as Frederick had called it in an e-mail he had sent her shortly after her visit, another letter arrived at her door, this time it was delivered by the security guard who had been on duty that day. 

“I dunno what it is about you but he’s been downright bloody cheerful since yer came,“ he said in a thick accent when she had opened the door. “Like a puppy what got to see its owner again.“

Bedelia didn’t know how to reply, simply giving him a thin lipped smile and taking the envelope from his hand. 

Closing the door behind the man, she looked at the paper in her hand as if it was about to spring to life and bite her. She wasn’t entirely sure that it wouldn’t.  
Walking towards the kitchen and pouring herself a generous glass of wine, she sat down and sliced the letter open.

>   
>  Bedelia,
> 
> I have made a deal with Frederick, ensuring that he won’t read this.  
>  I thought about what you said.  
>  Why did I bring you back into this? Because I never wanted you to leave.  
>  When we departed from Baltimore that night, I decided that I never wanted to know a world without you again. I let my “obsession“ with Will and his mind cloud my judgement and it cost me not only my freedom but also the only happiness I have known in a long time. And I am sorry.  
>  I will make you one final promise.  
>  I promise that I will get that happiness back. For both of us.  
>  Sei la mia luce, mia anima. Non voglio vivere senza di te.  
>  Per sempre tua,
> 
> Hannibal.  
> 

And he always stayed true to his word. 

**Author's Note:**

> Endless gratitude to my beautiful Sophia for the help with the Italian translations. <3  
> Translations:  
> Cuore Mio - My Heart  
> Vita Mia - My (entire) Life  
> Per sempre tua e solo tua - Forever yours and only yours  
> Cara Mia - My Darling  
> Sei Mia Luce - You Are My Light  
> Mia Anima - My Soul  
> Non Voglio Vivere Senza Di Te - I don't want to live without you


End file.
